Your girlfriend is a whale!

As Barney from How I met your mother would say, Watch your feet cuz I’m about to drop some knowledge! In today’s show, I’m going to reveal some concepts which will make you say “hmm”, concepts that science has shed its’ light on to try and make us understand the constant battle between men and women. Are you ready, boys and girls? Let’s begin:

  • Semen Wars: A New Hope
    • Ever wonder what’s in the content of male semen? Really?! Gross, get a hobby! Anyway, it consists of two things: Sperm and Seminal Plasma. The plasma is basically just a transport fluid, although it has been shown to carry some elements that act as an anti-depressant for women. Our main focus, however, is the Sperm. Unknown to many, there are several kinds of sperm in a shot of passion blast, for some their purpose in life is to get to an egg.. for the others however.. they must kill! That’s right, every time you launch a payload you’re actually sending out a fully loaded assault team. Team A searches for the egg and try to break in (not knowing it’s a trap.. bad intel) meanwhile Team B starts firing its’ blasters and rockets looking for rival sperm teams (from other men? Cheatin whore!). Who knew it was such a battle?
  • Whale Sex: The Next Generation
    •  So why in the heck do we need killer sperm? Simple.. humans were designed to have whale sex! Huh?! Well.. this is basically how whales do the nasty.. female whale gets all hot and bothered and starts leaving a slimy trail of “come get me”juice.. a guy whale goes “woohoo!” and runs up to her, fires off a few rounds and heads off for a well-deserved nap. A few minutes later another guy whale steps up and repeats the process.. and another.. and another. Inside that female (whore!) whale, there’s a massive “Command and Conquer”-style assault going on.. the strongest sperm wins!
  • C’mon Skid Vis.. oh great master, you gotta be kiddin!
    • Am I? Then riddle me this, batman.. Why do guys finish sooner than gals? Why do we feel the urge to sleep immediately afterwards? Well, think about it.. girl gets hot, you jump in.. do your thing, then your brain starts feeding you sedatives so you’re not all rowdy as the next guys steps in to do his thing while the gal is still primed and trying to get hers! Makes sense, no?
  • So what are you saying? I should let Joey do my girl?
    • Hells no! I ain’t saying shiite! I’m just sayin.. ya know? I’m just filling in some blanks.. trying to entertain you while you’re at work.. bored.. wishing you were a whale.. gettin some.

Well.. that’s that.. the price of tea in China has now been affected.