Note: This contains spoilers.. you’ve been warned.
Ok, so I ended up seeing Fantastic Four – Rise of the Silver Surfer. I wasn’t looking forward to it that much as the first one didnt leave me all giddy inside, but hey.. maybe Jessica Alba gets nekked in this one. Once I saw the flick, I had a hard time deciding whether or not I should review it. I have a hard time reviewing Sci-Fi flicks because I love science. When I see a flick like this I try to find logic in things that are illogical and it frustrates me to no end. This movie did a great job frustrating me. Let the ProCons begin:
- Jessica Alba is hot and was even nekked!!! *see cons
- Decent CG effects, not perfect.. but decent.
- Jessica Alba wasn’t nekked! When she was it was all Computer Generated! Poop!
- Dr. Doom comes back from the dead and he wants to go surfing?
- Dr. Doom comes back from the dead, stronger than ever.. and he wants Silver Surfer’s surf board? Sorry, but the good Dr. is very much into theatrics, hence the mask and cape.. the last thing he would do is go surfing around town.. especially when earth is about to be destroyed.
- Johnny Storm is an astronaut?
- Tidbit #12312.03, just because you can light your skin on fire does not mean you can survive the cold, radio-active, vacuum that is space.
- Reed Richards is not just smart.. he’s a mechanic too!
- Mr. Fantastic may be smart.. but I highly doubt the man can assemble a Hemi-Powered hovercraft all by his lonesome.. without ANYONE noticing? C’mon now. Also, Mr. Richards is sooo smart, he automagically knows how to use Johnny Storm’s powers when he acquires them.. unlike his ditzy soon-to-be wife who floats around like a moron on fire.
- Did you say Hemi-Powered Hovercraft?
- Yes kids, you heard me right.. Dodge got some showtime by sponsoring the F4’s special vehicle. A Hemi-powered hovercraft that isn’t big enough to house the smallest Hemi engine in the world, yet manages to fly at break-neck speeds with no forward thrust to mention. But wait, there’s more.. this great undersized, overpowered vehicle is capable of splitting into 3 smaller vehicles that travel just as fast?! Damn! Reed’s a frickin genius! ..oh wait, he is.
- Instant flight certs for all!
- While we’re on the topic of this hovercrap, there’s a scene.. the 1st time anyone has even seen the frickin vehicle ..where the hovercraft splits into 3 smaller vehicles.. all of a sudden EVERYONE is a top-gun ace!?! Um.. didn’t I just see a nekked Sue Storm trying to learn how to float? But she can handle flight controls? It must be powered by a wiimote.. it must be THAT intuitive! I want one!
- Alien Protocol 101
- Can anyone tell me what the Army would do if it found an alien? I know, step one.. take him to Russia and interrogate him using human torture methods. No wait.. I believe we might have to know how the alien’s biology works to do that.. wouldnt we? I mean, what if punching them in the face is how they mate? eww.
I’m sure I could go on and on with things that drove me nuts on this flick.. but I’m starting to get tired. I’m sure if you’re a die-hard F4 fan then you’ll love this movie. Unfortunately, a geek like myself.. who thinks scientifically, will have a hard time shutting off the brain to enjoy the fireworks.