How to kick an addiction

Oh god, here we go!

First of all, I do not condone violence.. if you’re addiction is to cats, dogs, or women, do not kick them!

Now.. I’m an addict. There, I said it.. I feel better.

When I was a little baby, instead of milk, my mother fed me coffee in a bottle. Ok, that may not be exactly true… she didn’t use a bottle.


Alright, alright! The point I’m trying to make is that I drank a whole lot of coffee. See, my dad, he reeeeally loved coffee. I cannot ever remember a time where I didn’t see him with a cup of coffee within reach. No matter the time of day, there was a pot of coffee brewing. Since coffee was always around, it was the easiest drink for me to have, besides water. I drank coffee from about the time I was 5 years old until I was 25.

ok, I hear ya..

When I was 25, I drank about 12 cups of coffee a day, not little tea cups either, I’m talking big metal mugs. Then, out of a sudden, I noticed my heart wasn’t ticking right. The normal “ba dump, ba dump” turned into a techno song. This terrified me.. cuz, I dunno.. death didn’t sound good at the time.. so off to the doc I went. Asking the normal battery of questions, the topic of caffeine use popped up. The doctor hung his head, in an overly dramatic way, and said “You’re going to die.”

As I regained consciousness, he slapped me on the face repeatedly and said “not literally, stupid!”. Whew! Boy did I feel silly. Apparently too much caffeine isn’t good for a person.. that might explain why my dad died at the young age of 63. Regardless, I stopped drinking coffee right then and there.

I hear that can be rough.

Sure, it can be rough. You get the headaches, the sleepiness, the good breath, the less peeing all the time.. sure, there’s side effects. But in the end, I know my nerves won’t be shot and I have a shot at living a little bit longer.

Well, I’m glad you got over being an addict.

No, I’m still an addict. See, addicts have.. let’s say.. “addictive personalities”. If they’re not addicted to one thing, they’re addicted to something else. After coffee, I turned to tea. Well, I didn’t literally turn into tea, but I started drinking it almost as much as coffee.

Tea’s not that bad for ya.

True.. but still, it can hurt you in ways you don’t expect. See, I’m not just a tea addict.. I’m also pretty damned lazy. Sure I could stock my fridge with milk, tea, and to-go cups… but why bother when there’s a Starbucks near every fire hydrant? This addiction hurt my wallet! A cup of Chai tea costs about 4 bucks… and I was drinking about 3 a day.. that’s 12 bucks a day.. times 6 days a week, that’s 288 bucks a month or worse.. 3456 bucks a frikkin year!!!

Hot damn!

Yea, I know! So.. there’s a habit I had to kick.. one day, I said “No More!” … and that was that.

Ok.. so you say you’re still an addict, what’s your vice now?

You, gorgeous.. you.

I dunno really.. there’s plenty of potential candidates.. there’s hanging out with Special K, there’s always porn, there’s World of Warcraft, heck.. maybe it’s blogging? I’m not sure, but whatever it is.. if it’s bad for me, I need to stop.

So what exactly was the point of this post?

What?, I can’t just talk to you about stuff without there being a point?!

Well sure, but there’s usually a point.

Oh.. um, I guess the point is.. we’re all addicted to something. There’s nothing wrong with being an addict, as long as your addiction isn’t hurting you or anyone else physically, emotionally, or financially.

There, that make you feel better, “point” man?

Yes, thank you.. now I feel I’ve gotten my money’s worth.