A night of mares.

Looks like it’s that time of year again.

Fall?

No, Nightmare season. It seems every year I go through a phase where I have nightmare after nightmare after nightmare. They just get stranger as they go, too. A couple nights ago I was a little boy trapped in a haunted house, forced to get Christmas decorations out of a flooding basement by my wicked step-mom (and about 10 generations before her).

Ok, so what sets last night apart that you’re all up in my face about your dreams?

Well, last night’s dream actually had horses in it!

I hope it wasn’t a sex dream. Please don’t let it be a sex dream!!

You’re a sick man, you know? No.. it wasn’t. It was just another happy-go-lucky, soul-torturing adventure.

Sweet! Now I’m interested!

Well, let’s start off with some background. My eldest brother, and his wife, are part of this little religious band. They make the rounds at the local churches in Connecticut and do their thing. In the dream, my brother had landed a gig in Colorado! Not having seen my brother since 1999, I figured it wouldn’t be the worst thing ever if I made the trek out there to say Hi. That having been decided, a certain little redhead that haunts my every thought and I hopped in my Jeep and hit the road.

After a pleasant road trip, we met up with my brother and his family and had an itty-bitty family reunion. It was nice, I got to see my family, I got to show off my eye candy, and of course I was reminded that I’ll be spending eternity in hell for bla bla bla.

I don’t see how this is a nightmare.

Well, it all started getting weird when I accompanied my brother and his band to a church where they’d be performing. I noticed that as part of their gear, they were toting around this little puppy. A VERY little puppy, probably just a few weeks old. The puppy appeared to be sleeping, although panting heavily. They’d pick him up and move him from place to place and he would still remain sleeping and panting. I, of course, thought this weird and grew concerned, so I asked my brother what was wrong with the pup. He informed me that the pup had “kidneys”. This confused me, and I asked him to explain, as I too have kidneys but am not suffering the same effects. Apparently, “kidneys” was all he could recall of what the vet said was wrong with the pup, but it was a disease more akin to Anemia. Basically the pup would sleep like a rock for hours at a time, then suddenly wake and be normal until his next power nap.

Weird indeed, but hardly a nightmare.

Perhaps, but it sure was a cute puppy. I was worried!

You’re such a girl.

Anyway, since we were in my favoritest place in the whole wide world.. Colorado, my beautiful companion and I decided to do a little sight-seeing. We drove out to some hills and went on a little hike. We’re out alone in the middle of nowhere..

oooh, this is where it gets good? Boom chicka bow wow.

Shh! So there we are, alone, when we hear this weird announcer-like voice. It says “We’ve secretly switched out these kids toy guns with real-life rifles. Let’s see if they notice.” In the distance, we see these two little boys playing with what look like toy rifles, they were about 10 or 11 years old, dressed in bright orange rain jackets. The announcer voice comes back on, only this time he’s talking like a news reporter, he says “This just in, two local youths were found dead in the hills after an apparent gun accident. More at 11!” Just then, one of the boys points the toy rifle at the other, and shoots him dead. The shooter looks at his dead friend, pleased with his convincing death acting, then moves on and starts shooting random things.. a rock, a frog, the sky.. eventually he starts to realize that his gun might just be a real gun.. so he turns it on himself to look at the barrel, and it goes off and kills him!

Freaky.

Word! So me and “you know who” were totally freaked, we looked around for a place to get help and we saw steps leading to a log cabin. As we approached and went up the steps, we noticed horse legs protruding through the boards of a deck. Once we made it to the cabin, we noticed three horses which were being kept locked up on the deck. The owner emerged, a foreign man, perhaps Russian. He welcomed us as we frantically explained what we had seen. He nodded, showing a lack of concern, noting his pleasure that they weren’t his boys. We were in shock, but then he asked if we wanted to see his horses.. he was very proud of his horses. That one gal I was with, she loves horsies, so she all but lept at the opportunity.

We closed in on the deck and were horrified. In this tiny deck, about a twelve foot square, were three horses in pretty bad shape. The gap between the boards of the deck were spaced far enough apart that their hooves would fall through and their legs would get painfully scraped. One of the three, his legs were scraped to the bone, it was disgusting. The second horse, he was extremely malnourished. His skin was draped upon his bones in such a way, he resembled an oversized pug more than a horse. The third horse, he looked fine, except he was tired. It was his legs we’d seen as we approached. He no longer had the energy to try to stand on the deck and just laid there with his legs through the boards.

I could feel her heartbreak as she looked upon these poor creatures. She quickly lept into the deck, angrily muttering towards the owner over his obvious neglect and lack of respect for these majestic creatures. She was furious, and I respected her for it. She told him that it was his lucky day, she ran out to the Jeep and pulled out blankets, tarps, medical supplies, and other things that I didn’t even know we’d packed! She tended to the horses, and guided the man towards making the deck a safer place for the horses.. strongly recommending a bigger area for them. The man, who was obviously clueless and new to owning horses, was extremely apologetic and enthusiastic to learn the right thing to do. Of course, as angry as she was.. who wouldn’t?

Then I woke up.

What? That’s it? what about the kids? Who was the announcer?! Did you get lucky?!??

Sorry, that’s all. My stupid alarm went off.

Motherflipper!

Arrgh! Play with my balls!

The flag of 18th century pirate Calico Jack.

It’s time for another episode of “WTF did I eat before bedtime?”

So in last night’s dream, I was a pirate. Not the “I download files illegally”-pirate, but the honest-to-goodness “Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!”-pirate. So here I am, on a really large pirate ship, so large in fact, that it had a full-sized tennis court on its deck. Yup.. we were some tennis-playing pirates!!! Argh!

Ok, a pirate ship with a tennis court.. no big deal.. but a tennis tournament on a pirate ship? Yup. This pirate ship was packed with pirates from all the seven seas, patched eyes and tennis racquets as far as the unpatched eye could see. See, apparently at some point the Queen of England, Not the current 400-year old Queen of England, but rather a smokin hottie version, was going to hop on board and play against the chosen pirate. I dunno why.. I didn’t ask. All I know is that I really wanted to nail that queen, and well.. my only shot was tennis.

The tournament started.. and since I was a noob, I wasn’t allowed to use a tennis racquet! I had to use something that resembled a large spoon! So, my first few matches totally sucked, but I kept at it. Eventually I was pretty damned good at spooning.. er.. tennis via spoon, and eventually the Queen showed up. Since I held the top spot, I was told that I would be playing her, BUT I COULD NOT WIN! I’m guessing if she lost she’d have our heads? I dunno.. but I know that if I won the pirates themselves would take care of me before I could find out.

The game began, and after she stopped laughing at me for playing with a spoon, it got intense. I was doing really well.. too well. At any second when my eyes weren’t alternating between the beautiful queen and the ball, I would catch a glimpse of a pirate giving me the whole “sliding finger across the throat”-sign.. you know, the one that says “I’m going to kill you if you beat the queen, you fairy!”. I had to work really hard to let her win.. but eventually I lost gracefully. I played well enough that she left me with a wink as she boarded her ship. That’s a good sign, right? I can only imagine that the Queen of England giving a pirate a wink could compare to getting a gals phone number nowadays. 🙂

So that’s it.. I woke up really frickin tired from running around all night. What does this all mean? Halloween is comong up soon.. should I be a pirate and look for a queen? Or was it just bad chinese?

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Will Smith, God, and good times.

I had a dream last night, as I usually do, but last night’s was a bit of a break from the norm. Usually my dreams are like action sequences from Michael Bay films.. action-packed, but usually pointless. Last night, however, things were a little more interesting.

It all started with me on a farm. Apparently, some farmers had lost their 14-year-old daughter. I was apparently volunteering my services as some sort of private investigator to try and find their daughter. I was walking through a corn field with the dad, he was telling me how the last time they’d seen her was when she went out to check on the crops. As we walked the crops, a 55-gallon drum slid itself in front of me, as if pushed by a ghost. I looked at the dad with a confused look on my face as his face appeared flush as if he had indeed SEEN a ghost.

I popped off the lid on the drum and it was full of dirt. I started to sift through the dirt when I felt the unmistakable feeling of flesh. A knot formed in my throat as I realized this was the child. I turned to the dad and let him know that I thought I found his daughter, his eyes glossed over and his head dropped as he tried to grip this grim reality. Breaking the silence and sadness of the moment, a booming voice billowed; “Yes, that is the girl. She should not have died, she is a special girl and she will not be dead much longer.”. We looked all around us in a panic.. confused and greatly disturbed by this voice. Calmness soon fell upon us as we realized what that voice indeed was. Along with the realization, I could now see the spirit of the child standing mere feet away from the drum.. alongside her was a shape of a man, with no distinguishable features.. an aura, at most. The child stood there with a sad look on her face, as if scared and confused herself.

The aura reached into the drum with one arm and pulled out the body of the child, setting her gently on the ground before us. He turned towards the girl and, without a word spoken, the spirit of the child laid down on her body, restoring life to it once more. The father become overjoyed and rushed to hug his daughter.

The aura then turned to me and proclaimed that the death of the child was at the hands of her very own mother, whom despised her for her beauty. See, the child’s mother had been born with a facial deformity. The aura announced that he had forgiven her and would restore her beauty as well. From the distance we could hear a scream at the farm, no doubt from the mother’s deformity having disappeared.

In an instant, the aura and myself were now standing in front of my home. He thanked me for the good I have done. He mentioned that since Will Smith was no longer funny, he would leave me with a gift.. suddenly a book appeared on the ground before us. On the cover of the book was the following: “Happ.il.ly”.

The aura told me that until Will Smith is funny again, all I have to do is touch the book and I will be able to relive the happiest moments of my life. He cautioned me, however, that thinking about the worst events of my life while touching the book could indeed take me there instead.. assuring me that it was in my best interest to alway think positive. With those words he was no more.

Curious and excited, I rushed to touch the book.. I was instantly overwhelmed with the most powerful blast of immense happiness. It was as if every moment of joy in my life had become bundled into one second. It was a great feeling, one I wanted to share. I called my friends, they called their friends, soon word was out and everyone was coming to touch the book.

Then one day, Will Smith was in town and he touched the book. Shortly thereafter, whenever anyone would touch the book, it would hail severely over the book. I pondered aloud why this was happening, the voice answered.. “Will Smith is funny again.”

Fin.

Crazy shizzle, huh?

The Flippin Bishop

So ok.. I need someone to tell me what this dream meant..
The dream took place in some sort of monastery, somewhere in the mountains in Italy.
I’m not sure what my role was there.. maybe I was just on vacation.. enjoying the serenity of it.
Throughout the whole dream I was carrying around an acoustic guitar.. I’d sling it on my back as I walked around.. like it was some kind of samurai sword.. but then I’d sit and try to play it.. but I don’t know how to play guitar.. and I didn’t in my dream either, but that didn’t stop me from trying.
I think, in the dream, the more I tinkered with the guitar the more I came closer to actually figuring out a song.

After a while there I decided to head out.. as I walked outside the monastery’s large wooden doors I nearly walked into a priest. The priest was not a local, and asked me if I knew where the Bishop was.. I volunteered to take him to the Bishop. We walked down a corridor and reached an area where the floor sunk down a bit.. there were 2 steps leading downward and about 4 inches of water on the floor. It was some sort of Holy Water room.
In the corner of this room was an Oak desk, the Bishop was sitting in his chair, feet immersed in the holy water, conducting whatever role a Bishop conducts. I pointed to him saying “There he is..” to the priest I escorted. He thanked me and proceeded over to the Bishop.

The Bishop turned, recognized the priest, and welcomed him.. as I turned to leave, the priest beckoned for me to stick around and then turned to the Bishop, telling him how generous I was for leading him there.. he insisted that I be blessed.. the Bishop agreed, turned towards me and said “Bless you” while simultaneously flipping me the bird!

I raised an eyebrow and said “very well then”, then turned and left the monastery.

The End.
Now.. What in the hell does that all mean?!

Leadership Efficaciousness

Over a decade ago, I was a Jet Engine Mechanic. A kid, who feared and respected his elders.. believing them to be wise and knowledgeable. I found out, however, that most of my leaders had leadership thrust upon them.. it was not something they sought out and mostly nothing they wanted once they had it. That’s one of the downsides of the military.. if you’re breathing and stick around long enough.. it’s only a matter of time before they force you to lead.

Why is this a downside? Well.. you know the really weak kid that you used to pick on in high school? Well.. give him a leadership role and he’ll take it out on his subordinates. Bullied kids grow up to bully others.. especially in the military it seems. Something else I learned while testing Jet Engines..

The box is for the Majority.. Great Leaders must be outside the box.

Being outside the box lets you see things objectively. The problem, I found, was that those standing outside the box were considered to be going “against the grain”, if you will. Everyone viewed them as rebels and worked collectively to remove them. One by one I noticed all of the great leaders leave the military.. leaving us only with the Bullies. Those that were afraid to leave.. knowing that outside of the military they would be returned to their weak status of ordinary, grass-eating, herd member.

I had a dream last night.. in it, I was back there.. testing Jet Engines. I loved that job. I was back after a long hiatus, and much to my surprise.. several of my old bosses were back there working as well. Unfortunately, NOT the good bosses. Only the bosses that I considered lacking in creativity. It was rather disturbing, the dream. Things were arranged in ways that didn’t even make sense.. and mistakes were made that were extremely careless and jeopardized the lives of all of us. In the end, a Jet Engine managed to be taken to full power without being secured which ended up in catastrophic events costing the tax-payers (you) millions of dollars.

I awoke to an email informing me that an acquaintance had made a bold decision entailing a move halfway across the country.. a new job in a new place. Gutsy. A new job in a new place is what started my journey into the real world. It’s what awakened the knowledge-monster that hides in my soul. It was the gutsy decision to go “against the grain” that has gotten me this far and I think the dream and the email are both a reminder that I should not get back in the box, or get out if I AM in it.

I wanna be a cow boy baby..

So ok.. here’s a weird one for ya..

In my dream I somehow came to be the owner of three cows.. someone abandoned them at my house.. two of them appeared to be dead.. the other close to death.. so I called a vet to come look.. it took forever for the vet to arrive.. and I was terrified to go near the cows.. I mean, what if it’s contagious?! So I waited and waited.. almost sure the cow would die.. finally the vet shows up.. and it turns out all three are alive.. but barely, so the vet takes them away. After a few days, he returns with three healthy cows and leaves them with me.. along with a bill, of course.

Then I woke up. karazy, huh?

dreaaams..

Metroid.

Yup.. apparently I’m looking forward to Metroid on the Wii? I dunno.. never been much a fan of the first-person Metroid games but last night all I could dream about was Metroid!

In my dream, I was in the game.. my 2 brothers and I had the arm attachments for laser and rockets.. we were on some kind of ship looking for some bad guys.. we split up and started searching the ship.. I found a power up.. it was a monocle for my right eye.. it let me see through walls.. that was cool.. then there was a dog.. a German Shepherd.. I first saw him in the ship earlier.. but he was a pup.. after I got the power up I saw him again.. but he was full grown.. and mad.

Me being the animal lover I am, I couldnt kill him.. so I just avoided him as best I could as I searched the ship.

It was a weird dream.. lots of running, lots of fear.. expecting either the bad guy or the dog to be around the next corner.. but nothing happened in the dream.. I fired my gun at the walls a few times just to get a feel for it.. but I didnt get to kill anything in the dream.. kinda disappointing. 🙂

Anyway.. a great nights’ sleep.. but I’m sooo exhausted from running all night.

PR Dream

Had an aaaawsome dream..

Special k and I went to PR for a few days.. some place on the west side, not San Juan.. I got there ahead of her to scope things out.. drove there.. well.. brought my car in a ferry or something.. my car. a 87 Buick Regal .. oh yea! I stopped at a little hotel and some guy offered to buy my car.. said Id let him know. I got a room.. it was an ok room, but the bathroom was waaay small.. so I turned in the room and drove off. I stopped close to the beach when I saw a bunch of tourists taking pictures of something.. I got out to look and saw that there were like 100 Macaw Parrots on the beach, trees, everywhere.. lots of Macaws. I thought it cool and then drove off again.. I found this huge cathedral by the coast further north.. I stopped there and they had hundreds of statues of saints.. it was beautifully laid out.. like an epic battle battle or something.. lots of statues, a beautiful garden, the sunset, the beach.. it was wonderful.. and large! So large that in order to take it all in, I sprouted wings and started to hover above it all.. once I did that, I feared someone may see me so I landed again and drove off to meet up with Special K.

We met up in a hotel, checked in and did a little sight-seeing.. then we checked out and went to a huge casino/hotel.. checked in and got a room where massages were waiting for us… that was neat.. then the casino/hotel had a huge water park inside it with lots of rides and slides.. we did that and met up with another couple while waiting in line.. we chatted about how great the place is and shared all the great places to see.

…then the alarm went off.

dang.