How to kick an addiction

Oh god, here we go!

First of all, I do not condone violence.. if you’re addiction is to cats, dogs, or women, do not kick them!

Now.. I’m an addict. There, I said it.. I feel better.

When I was a little baby, instead of milk, my mother fed me coffee in a bottle. Ok, that may not be exactly true… she didn’t use a bottle.


Alright, alright! The point I’m trying to make is that I drank a whole lot of coffee. See, my dad, he reeeeally loved coffee. I cannot ever remember a time where I didn’t see him with a cup of coffee within reach. No matter the time of day, there was a pot of coffee brewing. Since coffee was always around, it was the easiest drink for me to have, besides water. I drank coffee from about the time I was 5 years old until I was 25.

ok, I hear ya..

When I was 25, I drank about 12 cups of coffee a day, not little tea cups either, I’m talking big metal mugs. Then, out of a sudden, I noticed my heart wasn’t ticking right. The normal “ba dump, ba dump” turned into a techno song. This terrified me.. cuz, I dunno.. death didn’t sound good at the time.. so off to the doc I went. Asking the normal battery of questions, the topic of caffeine use popped up. The doctor hung his head, in an overly dramatic way, and said “You’re going to die.”

As I regained consciousness, he slapped me on the face repeatedly and said “not literally, stupid!”. Whew! Boy did I feel silly. Apparently too much caffeine isn’t good for a person.. that might explain why my dad died at the young age of 63. Regardless, I stopped drinking coffee right then and there.

I hear that can be rough.

Sure, it can be rough. You get the headaches, the sleepiness, the good breath, the less peeing all the time.. sure, there’s side effects. But in the end, I know my nerves won’t be shot and I have a shot at living a little bit longer.

Well, I’m glad you got over being an addict.

No, I’m still an addict. See, addicts have.. let’s say.. “addictive personalities”. If they’re not addicted to one thing, they’re addicted to something else. After coffee, I turned to tea. Well, I didn’t literally turn into tea, but I started drinking it almost as much as coffee.

Tea’s not that bad for ya.

True.. but still, it can hurt you in ways you don’t expect. See, I’m not just a tea addict.. I’m also pretty damned lazy. Sure I could stock my fridge with milk, tea, and to-go cups… but why bother when there’s a Starbucks near every fire hydrant? This addiction hurt my wallet! A cup of Chai tea costs about 4 bucks… and I was drinking about 3 a day.. that’s 12 bucks a day.. times 6 days a week, that’s 288 bucks a month or worse.. 3456 bucks a frikkin year!!!

Hot damn!

Yea, I know! So.. there’s a habit I had to kick.. one day, I said “No More!” … and that was that.

Ok.. so you say you’re still an addict, what’s your vice now?

You, gorgeous.. you.

I dunno really.. there’s plenty of potential candidates.. there’s hanging out with Special K, there’s always porn, there’s World of Warcraft, heck.. maybe it’s blogging? I’m not sure, but whatever it is.. if it’s bad for me, I need to stop.

So what exactly was the point of this post?

What?, I can’t just talk to you about stuff without there being a point?!

Well sure, but there’s usually a point.

Oh.. um, I guess the point is.. we’re all addicted to something. There’s nothing wrong with being an addict, as long as your addiction isn’t hurting you or anyone else physically, emotionally, or financially.

There, that make you feel better, “point” man?

Yes, thank you.. now I feel I’ve gotten my money’s worth.


My Tattoo

um.. what am I looking at?

Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there. This is my new tattoo. The first two pictures are from Photoshop, where I drew it.. the other two were taken at the tattoo place. Wutcha think?

I think it looks painful.

Nah, it just feels like a slight sunburn.. not too bad.

Wait a second.. didn’t you tell Vexx one time that tattoos are bad?

Well.. let me explain how I feel about tattoos.. See, Tattoos are like lawn decorations.. 1 or two isn’t too bad, but if you have 100 pink flamingos on your lawn.. that’s just ugly.

So you only have one or two.. that’s it?

Yessir, I had one installed over 10 years ago.. it’s of my kitty cat, Skat. Oh, and now I have this one too.

So what the hell is this supposed to be?

Ok, it’s not too complicated.. but try to follow along.. the broken heart represents pain.. cuz, you know, broken hearts hurt. The sword represents strength.. cuz, well, it just does.. look it up. The sword is IN the heart, but it didn’t cause the break.. so basically it means “Have strength in times of pain”. Get it?

I think you have too much free time on your hands.


Whatever.. any last words of Visdom?

Yea, you know it. Tattoos are forever, well at least until they perfect that removable ink, but for now.. thay’re forever. I thought about this tattoo for a very long time.. like I said, it’s been 10 years since the 1st one. I think before you get a tattoo it should be special. It should be something that is timeless and will still mean the same thing 100 years from now.

I just can’t understand why someone would put the Nike Swoosh or the Zune logo on themselves.. that’s just weird.. or someone’s name.. I mean are you still tight with all the people you were tight with 10 years ago? Why risk looking foolish?

I hate you.

I know, it’s ok.

All I need to know about life I learned in the Air Force

The Holy Land USA sign and cross in 1960

Image via Wikipedia


For those of you that don’t know (shame on you!), I was in the U.S. Air Force from 1994 to 2002. When I joined the Air Force, I was pretty stupid, naive, inexperienced, or as I like to say.. Neanderthalic (i.e.: Like a caveman). The only place I’d ever known was my hometown of Waterbury, Connecticut.. I’d strayed into New York once or twice, but only to places that were mostly like my hometown.. no eye-opening experiences. During my brief stint (Ha!) in the military, I met a lot of great people and a lot of great assholes, I had a lot of fun at times and I wanted to blow my brains out a others.

Skid Vis: Defined

Yesterday I was trying to figure out why I am like I am.. I tried to pinpoint the experiences that make me think how I think. Not surprisingly, it turns out the Air Force was a major influence on how I live my life. Not surprisingly, I say, because prior to the Air Force I didn’t really have a life.. I was merely an animal trying to survive. I’ve decided to share what I know.. and maybe you can read this and gain all the wondrous insight I possess without joining the military.

Drop it like it’s hot

  • Longer hours at work do not mean more work.
    • I was a Jet Engine Mechanic while in the AF, but I didn’t work with the rest of the mechanics, instead I was one of the elite few who worked at a testing facility. The main mechanics, there were about 100 of them, they would crank out engine after engine and me and my crew, about 5 of us, would make sure the engines didn’t blow up when they hit the sky. For some reason, when the bosses didn’t feel the troops were moving fast enough, they would make us all work 12-hour shifts, 6 days a week. What we all noticed, except for the bosses, was that people actually worked LESS when that happened! Everyone was more tired, crankier, less alert, and totally less productive.
  • Motivation does not require intimidation.
    • So 12-hour shifts, 6 days a week doesn’t work.. what does? Well, one of my bosses had it right on! My normal shift was 6:30am to 3:30pm. My boss, being wise and all-knowing, would simply say, “We have X amount of work to do today.. when it’s done, we can all go home.” .. say what?! You can bet you rump that we all busted tail to get things done.. we were usually done by noon or 1 and off we went! It was a great motivator which I used when I finally became the man.
  • There’s always a loophole.
    • The Air Force is all about rules. They have this books called Technical Orders (TO’s). TO’s tell you how you should do everything! I’m sure they have a TO for butt-wiping. I once read one of my TO’s that said “Step into room and turn on the light”.. seriously? I need light for this? I figured I would just operate heavy machinery in the dark.. dang. It may seem like I’m bashing these TO’s, but I’m not. They saved my ass plenty of times. Often times, the big bosses didn’t like us 5.. we had the “glory job”, we were outside, away from the politics of the main shop, we had cookouts, napped, played football and badmington.. it was Club Med. So, whenever possible, they would try and pull us away from paradise to go join the lemmings in their torture, be it mopping floors or cleaning toilets with toothbrushes. TO’s to the rescue! Whenever I’d get a call to go do some horrible task in the shop, I would say “We’ll be right there, we just need to do an inspection first”.. Then we’d go back to napping or having fun. When challenged on why we never showed up, we merely pointed out the steps in the TO for the inspection.. and, as mentioned, TO’s are insanely verbose.. so.. hehe.. bye bye!
  • It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
    • If I haven’t alluded to it yet, usually the main shop bosses were jerks. Some were cool, but mostly they were jerks. Whenever us at Club Med needed anything.. supplies, tools, c-c-cold weather gear (I said we worked outside.. summer’s nice.. winter.. not so much!), anything.. we were denied. If the shop boys didn’t need it, then we didn’t either. Make sense to you? I didn’t think so either. So, since we knew our bosses were pricks, we would go around them to THEIR bosses. They were slightly more sane.. only slightly, but we’d get what we wanted. Our bosses would, of course, get pissy.. we’d say “Sorry, we couldn’t find you” and all would be well again.
  • Don’t become too valuable.
    • I worked at the same base for the whole duration of my time in the AF. That’s almost unheard of! People usually get moved every 2 years.. I spent 8 on ONE BASE! I tried to get out.. I put in requests to go anywhere.. Saudi Arabia, Germany, Tibet.. ANYWHERE! But I kept getting the same song.. “you’re too valuable”. I had personally tested over 250 jet engines.. more than anyone ever did at Club Med.. the next guy on the list had about 86. I got to the point where I could just hear an engine and know something was wrong with it… it was weird.
  • Sometimes what you do, no matter how hard you work, is pointless.
    • One day.. a general was stopping by to visit our base. Whenever Generals stop by, all work stops and it becomes a dog and pony show. The Jet Shop would get scrubbed from top to bottom.. spotless. I don’t know about you, but if I walk into a mechanic’s shop, it better not be so clean I can eat from the floor or I might suspect that they don’t do any work there… but that may just be me. Anyway, this one time, a general was supposed to arrive and enter the building through a certain door, which had a looong hallway leading to the main part of the building. “That hallway has to be spotless, I should be able to use the floor as a mirror”. Those were the orders. I spent 21 hours stripping, waxing, and buffing that flippin hallway until the boss was content.. 21 hours! I was tired, sweaty, nearly dead. I finally got to go home and crash.. the general arrived, and came in through the main entrance.. NOT the magical mirrored hallway. All of my work.. for not.
  • Payback is a female dog.
    • You remember those kids in school that had no friends? The one’s that everyone picked on, even the slow kids? Those guys join the Air Force. In the AF, everyone gains rank.. all you have to do is stick around long enough.. eventually, you’ll be a boss.. it’s like the mob. You know what happens when those kids become bosses? They become pricks. For the first time in their lives they have power, they get revenge for every bully, every “you’re mom dresses you funny” joke they ever had thrown at them. They suck.
  • The only thing to fear, is fear itself.
    • This last one is weird. If you ever visit an Air Force base, you’ll notice that everything is drab and ugly looking. Everyone looks the same, the same uniform, the same short hair, the same homes, etc. There’s a method to the madness. Stay in a base long enough and your expectations of society are reduced. Suddenly, taking a trip to Best Buy, out in the real world, seems too frantic and hectic.. you can’t wait to be back in comfort behind the gates of the base. That’s intentional. You join the AF, you become scared of the Real World, you stick around and be used like the tool you are until it’s time to retire and you’re forced into the real world, and then you die. The longer you stay in, the harder it is to leave.. fear will keep you trapped.

Dang yo, thanks for the 411!

Anytime! I’m here to serve you and service your women. God Speed.

Zemanta Pixie

Mind over doesn’t matter.

A Marine Drill Instructor inspects his platoon shortly before Lights Out.Image via Wikipedia

Throughout the day, people walk into my hole in the wall, grab a seat, and proceed to inform me of the injustices in their existance. I sit there and take in what they have to say, I’m a very good listener. Once they’re done releasing, I process the information and spit out a procedure to reduce their angst.. at least until the next crisis.

Most people thank me and let me know that I’ve helped. It’s hard to say whether I helped by merely listening or if it was my suggestion that turned the tide, but it’s apparent that I do make a difference. After all, if I didn’t help then they wouldn’t turn to me as often, right? Well.. they could just keep showing up because my office is a good hiding spot.. but I’m optimistic and quite narcissistic.. so I’ll stick to my happy thoughts.

For the longest time in my life I was just like them. I would constantly let all the little things in life affect me in an overly-dramatic way. I was angry, depressed, and generally unhappy. I’m not like that anymore, I’ve realized that life is short and noone gets out alive. If we look back on the things that were stressing us in the past, most of us will agree that it wasn’t as bad as we thought it was at the time. I recall being in basic training when I was in the military.. how afraid I was, how much I thought I would fail and have to head home with my tail between my legs. For six weeks I lived in terror, however once it was over I missed it and realized it was so simple to get through.

Life, as we know it, is simple. We choose to complicate it when we should just be enjoying it. The boss has unreasonable demands? The dog pooped on your favorite shirt? The car is making a weird noise? Your friends are dumb enough to want Hilary for president? You suck at Call of Duty 4? So what? It’s nothing you can’t handle if you put your mind to it. So just handle it and put it behind you so you can go enjoy a nice walk in the park, letting the sun’s rays soak into your skin while you listen to the birds chirping away as they focus what’s really important.. survival.

Enjoy your life.. the only person that can make you miserable, or happy, is you.

How the Vis stole Christmas…

This is GalvatronSome people call me Scrooge.. or the Grinch, because around the holiday season I love to give gifts, but I don’t like getting them. See.. there’s a story to tell..

When I was a little lad, my family was pretty poor.. we didn’t have money for anything.. food was scarce, toys were even more scarce. My “laser gun” was a piece of wood that I drew details on. Christmas was usually a day spent in church, thanking god for what we DID have.. family, friends, health, yadda yadda. If we DID get toys, they came from the Salvation Army and, though they meant well, they were crap. Some that stuck in my mind was a solid plastic horse.. forever stuck in mid-gallop.. and a wooden race car.. the wheels didn’t even move. Of course, me being the brat that I was, I never said thanks, I threw a tantrum for not getting a “real” toy.. I’m surprised my parents never flushed me down the toilet.

Eventually my eldest brother, 5 years older than I, started to work. So one Christmas he used some of his paycheck to buy me a present.. he bought me a Transformers Galvatron action figure.. it was cool.. his gun sparked, he transformed.. a “real” toy. However, that particular Christmas, we had family unexpectedly drop in from out of town. It was my aunt with my male cousin who was roughly the same age as me.. lucky me.. my mother was so distressed that she hadn’t bought them anything that she took my Galvatron away from me and gave it to my cousin. Merry Frickin Christmas.

Since then.. I’ve always felt awkward getting gifts.. I dunno why, maybe the fear of losing it.. or maybe knowing someone else could use it.. who knows? Anyway, I tell this story a lot.. not for sympathy or anything, just that I have to explain to people why I don’t want to get gifts. Apparently the story sticks with people.. last year for Christmas I got an Optimus Prime action figure.. and this year I received a Megatron action figure.

While I’m thankful, it still doesn’t feel right to get gifts, especially Transformers. Each one comes with a little sting to my soul. I ask that if anyone can, and wants to, go back in time to when I was a kid and get my cousin a Transformer.. preferably the Galvatron. That way, when my mom tries to give him mine, he’ll say “I already have it.” …and I’ll be able to love Christmas as much as the next guy.

Wet Fingers

..or “When not to hold your tongue”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 765 years of existence, it’s this: People Lie.

For all kinds of reasons, logical and not, people just have become accustomed to constantly tellings fibs. Am I saying I don’t lie? Not at all.. I’m the biggest liar I know. I lie constantly.. I lie to myself, I lie to my friends, I lie on my Resume, and I even lie in bed. Sometimes I lie to hide my sadness, sometimes I lie to seem tougher, sometimes I lie because I’m lazy, sometimes I lie because there’s things I don’t want everyone to know. There are many reasons to lie and many people to lie to.

“Ok, Mr. Skid Vis, what’s your point?”

My point is this.. we all lie.. if you say you don’t then you’re telling a lie right there! BUT.. there’s one person you SHOULDN’T be telling lies to.. your significant other! A relationship is the merging of two people into one physically divided, yet emotionally unified person. Your other should know EVERYTHING about you.. the good, the bad, the disgustingly hidden.

A few years ago there was a news story about a man who after 20 years learned that his wife was actually a man.. penis and all! One of my cousins was married to a man for 4 years before she learned that he was actually already married to someone else! Every day people are shocked to learn something about the person they married. That baffles me!

Any girl that has ever dated me knows that I harbor no secrets. I lie my ass off to anyone who will listen, but when I’m in a relationship it all comes out.. my fears, my pleasures, my life, my goals, my expectations! Why is that so hard? The reason the divorce rate is so high is, among other things, that people just don’t know the person they’re marrying! People constantly hide crucial facts from the person they’re dating.. then they marry.. and EVENTUALLY it comes out and the marriage goes to hell in a handbasket.. Trust me, I know!

Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth.. to the person you love. Lie to everyone else if you need to make up for it. If there’s not one person who knows everything about you, then you’ll be alone forever. Believe it.

Tell me you’re not scared

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything personal on this man’s blog.. but I’m feeling quite alone right now and if I don’t put this out I may end up hanging on Burning Man. I’m not suicidal, mind you.. I just need to chat.

I did a bad thing last night, I read the news.. for about 4 hours, I sat and read news story after news story after news story.. a bad thing indeed. The news is never good. Reading how people, animals, and our planet in general are dying every second of every day makes me remember why I hate people sometimes.


It’s the only constant in my life.. fear. I feel fear every second of every day. I fear living in a world where ignorant people have weapons. I fear idiots in power. I fear a corrupt government. I fear growing old and unable to take care of myself. I fear dying alone. I fear losing my job. I fear disappointing my friends. I fear pain and solitude. I fear not succeeding. I fear not being loved. I fear not being likable. I fear being unhealthy. I fear betrayal. I fear making bad decisions. I fear not knowing enough. I fear not being smart enough to learn more. I fear silence. I fear there is no god.

My decisions, my acts, are all controlled by my fears. Fear is a constant, that’s life. That’s what keeps everything moving.. fear. I know I’m not alone.. I know we all have fears. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. It just means I have to be strong, I have to rise above the fear and act accordingly to survive. Fear is a good thing.. fearing something gives you an advantage.. the ability to counter. If I did not fear getting burned by a flame then I would not know to pull my hand away from the flame.

We all have fears.. but we keep them locked away because we don’t trust people. We think if we tell others our fears we will be viewed as weak.. or worse yet, our fears will be used against us. Sadly.. those threats are real. People are hard to trust sometimes. There’s a lot of hate and disregard for others’ happiness going around these days. But again, as long as we fear their actions to our fears, we can counter.. right?

I’m expressing my fears because one thing I don’t fear is your reaction. I know you get scared.. I know you worry about your bills, your health, your loved ones.. you have to fear something! You are no better off than I.

This world can be a lonely place sometimes.. which is funny, considering we all have so many things in common.. especially one.. Fear.

Leadership Efficaciousness

Over a decade ago, I was a Jet Engine Mechanic. A kid, who feared and respected his elders.. believing them to be wise and knowledgeable. I found out, however, that most of my leaders had leadership thrust upon them.. it was not something they sought out and mostly nothing they wanted once they had it. That’s one of the downsides of the military.. if you’re breathing and stick around long enough.. it’s only a matter of time before they force you to lead.

Why is this a downside? Well.. you know the really weak kid that you used to pick on in high school? Well.. give him a leadership role and he’ll take it out on his subordinates. Bullied kids grow up to bully others.. especially in the military it seems. Something else I learned while testing Jet Engines..

The box is for the Majority.. Great Leaders must be outside the box.

Being outside the box lets you see things objectively. The problem, I found, was that those standing outside the box were considered to be going “against the grain”, if you will. Everyone viewed them as rebels and worked collectively to remove them. One by one I noticed all of the great leaders leave the military.. leaving us only with the Bullies. Those that were afraid to leave.. knowing that outside of the military they would be returned to their weak status of ordinary, grass-eating, herd member.

I had a dream last night.. in it, I was back there.. testing Jet Engines. I loved that job. I was back after a long hiatus, and much to my surprise.. several of my old bosses were back there working as well. Unfortunately, NOT the good bosses. Only the bosses that I considered lacking in creativity. It was rather disturbing, the dream. Things were arranged in ways that didn’t even make sense.. and mistakes were made that were extremely careless and jeopardized the lives of all of us. In the end, a Jet Engine managed to be taken to full power without being secured which ended up in catastrophic events costing the tax-payers (you) millions of dollars.

I awoke to an email informing me that an acquaintance had made a bold decision entailing a move halfway across the country.. a new job in a new place. Gutsy. A new job in a new place is what started my journey into the real world. It’s what awakened the knowledge-monster that hides in my soul. It was the gutsy decision to go “against the grain” that has gotten me this far and I think the dream and the email are both a reminder that I should not get back in the box, or get out if I AM in it.

Your girlfriend is a whale!

As Barney from How I met your mother would say, Watch your feet cuz I’m about to drop some knowledge! In today’s show, I’m going to reveal some concepts which will make you say “hmm”, concepts that science has shed its’ light on to try and make us understand the constant battle between men and women. Are you ready, boys and girls? Let’s begin:

  • Semen Wars: A New Hope
    • Ever wonder what’s in the content of male semen? Really?! Gross, get a hobby! Anyway, it consists of two things: Sperm and Seminal Plasma. The plasma is basically just a transport fluid, although it has been shown to carry some elements that act as an anti-depressant for women. Our main focus, however, is the Sperm. Unknown to many, there are several kinds of sperm in a shot of passion blast, for some their purpose in life is to get to an egg.. for the others however.. they must kill! That’s right, every time you launch a payload you’re actually sending out a fully loaded assault team. Team A searches for the egg and try to break in (not knowing it’s a trap.. bad intel) meanwhile Team B starts firing its’ blasters and rockets looking for rival sperm teams (from other men? Cheatin whore!). Who knew it was such a battle?
  • Whale Sex: The Next Generation
    •  So why in the heck do we need killer sperm? Simple.. humans were designed to have whale sex! Huh?! Well.. this is basically how whales do the nasty.. female whale gets all hot and bothered and starts leaving a slimy trail of “come get me”juice.. a guy whale goes “woohoo!” and runs up to her, fires off a few rounds and heads off for a well-deserved nap. A few minutes later another guy whale steps up and repeats the process.. and another.. and another. Inside that female (whore!) whale, there’s a massive “Command and Conquer”-style assault going on.. the strongest sperm wins!
  • C’mon Skid Vis.. oh great master, you gotta be kiddin!
    • Am I? Then riddle me this, batman.. Why do guys finish sooner than gals? Why do we feel the urge to sleep immediately afterwards? Well, think about it.. girl gets hot, you jump in.. do your thing, then your brain starts feeding you sedatives so you’re not all rowdy as the next guys steps in to do his thing while the gal is still primed and trying to get hers! Makes sense, no?
  • So what are you saying? I should let Joey do my girl?
    • Hells no! I ain’t saying shiite! I’m just sayin.. ya know? I’m just filling in some blanks.. trying to entertain you while you’re at work.. bored.. wishing you were a whale.. gettin some.

Well.. that’s that.. the price of tea in China has now been affected.

Why guys look at porn

In today’s episode I will attempt to answer this question, which I seem to get a lot. Let me preface this by saying that what follows is based on my observations and discussions with other men and women on the subject as well as my personal opinions.

I’ve been looking at porn since before I could even get a woody.. I remember walking past a demolished building and finding an adult magazine among the rubble as a kid, my friends and I huddled around it in amazement as the stench of alcohol poured from each page. Surely it was the late night comfort of a homeless person before we got to it. From that point on it was the task of each of us to try and find more and share it. Some kids would raid their daddy’s stash, others would get adults to buy stuff for them. It was a functional bartering system which provided us lil guys with a great educational resource.

Fast forward 750 years and I’m still looking at porn, still learning, and in a way.. still bartering (bittorrent – You have to give in order to get). Every time I start a new relationship, I end up having the porn conversation and occasionally friends ask my opinion or advice on a porn related subject.. so here I’ll be laying out some of the most common questions:

  • Why do guys look at porn?
    • Guys look at porn for many reasons. Sometimes boredom, sometimes because we’re single or otherwise not getting any action, sometimes even just to be able to clear our minds. In a study conducted in 1948, 92% of men spanked it.. that’s right, even your pops. The same study shows that men think about sex several times a day.. that was then, imagine NOW where sex is plastered everywhere you look! What’s in it for us? Shortly following orgasm we get a nice dose of endorphines pumped into our brains.. we like that, it makes us happy.. so what a better way to brighten your day than by getting a quick hit of afterglow juice? Granted, there are other ways to get the same effect.. sex, running, crack.. but no way is so easily accessible or quick to achieve. So the basic math is, guys are visual.. we need to SEE something in order to move ourselves to our fix.
  • Am I cheating on my wife?
    • That depends.. is the porn of someone you actually know or do you wish you were with the porn star instead of your wife? From my studies I do not find this to be the case with most men, including myself. Most men use porn to either get their fix, or sometimes even to learn new moves and spice up their sex lives.
  • Does it mean he’s not satisfied with me?
    • Not at all. This is perhaps the hardest part for women to understand. A man looking at porn usually has no direct correlation to his partners sexual performance, to the man it’s no different than watching a ball game on tv.. except this game uses different balls. Now, I say “usually” because sometimes it IS due to you.. for instance if you have an addiction to using the word “No”. Some women tend to use sex as a weapon.. or reward to get men to do their bidding, this action would prompt men to make a mental decision “Do I do xyz in order to get sex or do I just take care of it myself?”, also if you and your partner have discussed each of your fantasies and desires but one is unwilling to engage in fulfilling the desires of the other, then that could lead to excessive pornage. I’m not saying it’s essential to cater to their every desire, as some fantasies are best left that way.. but be aware of the side effects.
  • How can I get him to stop?
    • Get him to stop? You can no more stop him from that than you can stop him from pooping or snoring. The only thing you would do if you tried to get him to stop is manage to get him to start hiding it from you. I know many guys whose women asked them to stop, to which they agreed only then to start devising complicated schemes of protecting their porn habits.. from cleaning out the “visited websites” part of the web browser to special hidden folders on the computer. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to NOT push your partner into deception as that would be worse than anything you can imagine. I can only recommend that you either learn to accept it or better yet embrace it as something you can both do together.. done properly it can greatly intensify your sex life.
  • Not all guys look at porn!
    • From my observations I conclude that there are two types of men when it comes to porn.. those who look at porn, and those who lie about it. Porn and masturbation have been defined in such negative terms that men will either blatantly boast about it as a sign of defiance or hide it somewhere dark and dank in fear or being chastised for being a man. From prehistoric times where cavemen etched naked chicks onto cave walls to the futurists future where we’ll have porn etched onto our eyelids, porn will not be going away and it must be accepted and controlled just like video games, caffeine, and any other acceptable part of life. 92% in 1948.. that’s 9 out of 10 guys.. so next time you’re around 10 guys, be sure to only shake hands with that 1 guy. 🙂

There you have it. My opinions and observations on the matter at hand (no pun.. ok, a little pun intended). Keep in mind that porn, like just about anything else, can cause individuals with addictive personalities to become addicted to porn. Addictions of any sort are problematic and should be addressed. If you can NOT go without porn for at least a week or you find that you are choosing it over the real thing, then you may have a problem and should seek help. Also, the type of porn I’m discussing is the normal, “off the shelf”-type of porn. While most people view porn as an evil, unclean form of entertainment, it should be noted that items that fall out of the “consensual sex between men and women” would border on possible psychological issues which should be addressed. In other words, if you or your partner get off on seeing things suffer sexually then it would be advisable to seek professional help as severe sexual deviance is usually associated with mental trauma or instability.